Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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