There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
