How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
