tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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