In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
don't judge my taste in strippers
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
