I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize