I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
