Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
