Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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