his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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