Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
