i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
