Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
