I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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