Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
