Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
