Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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