hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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