When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
