cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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