New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
