The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
