paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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