We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
time to smoke my breakfast
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
