I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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