I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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