i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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