Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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