I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
