I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
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Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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