Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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