I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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