Little spoons don't ask big questions
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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