What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
