chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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