Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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