I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
