Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
