I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You've changed since you got that strap on
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
