His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
