The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
