there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
