Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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