He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
