therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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