Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
