saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have demons in me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
