I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
