WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
