just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
