I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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