Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just google imaged poop.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
