You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
