I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
