My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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