Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
