I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize