very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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