we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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