i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
