It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
40s are totally the cure
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
