Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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