"it" just moved
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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