I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
