Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
