i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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