you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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