I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
