I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There r osticjed everywhere
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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