just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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