i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
