wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
