Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
